March 4, 2010: I am thankful that my awesome God never ceases to amaze me! I have been struggling so hard with my faith, but He just sits back, patiently waiting for me to hear Him!

I am so emotionally distraught today after talking to Dr. Zabad, the one thing that I wanted was to be with my husband. That was virtually impossible however, because his company had so graciously taken all of his PTO when I was sick in January. He said that he was going to talk to his boss to see if maybe he could just work from home tomorrow. I had to laugh, b/c there had been numerous times that he had tried to work from home when I was in the hospital, and that was just NOT an option according to his boss. So I told him, well, it’s going to take a miracle for that to happen.  And I had told him, I guess if it does, that’s God’s way of telling me He is still there, and I needed to stop thinking He isn’t.

My husband is now on his way home from work! To finish out the day working from home and working from home tomorrow too! No short paycheck, not PTO, just time spent at home with me while working on his computer!

For those of you who think there is no God, you are WRONG! And for those of us who doubt Him, WE are wrong! He IS there; we just can’t see Him sometimes. But that’s not HIS fault, it’s our focus! And that’s not saying that we are all bad b/c our focus is off. Mine is off more than most at times. That is saying we are human, and need to rely on the Holy Spirit to lead our mind, and not our human nature! I, of all people, need to remember that, and hold on to it for dear life!

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After posting this, I realized that I hadn’t posted anything about my conversation with Dr. Zabad, so some of you may have no clue as to what I am referring…lol. I never claimed to be all that bright Here is my facebook posting on the matter…

Official report from Dr. Zabad: Not so good I DO have new lesions…she hasn’t counted them yet. Some of the inflammation on the old ones is better, but there are a lot of active new ones again She is going to be putting me on high dose steroids at home, every other day for 5 days. They are …oral prednisone of 1200mg, and then I will taper off of them. I am so afraid. At this point, the only hope we have left is the Copaxone. It HAS to start working and helping my body. If not, ….well, I’m not ready to die dangit! It is so hard to trust God right now! I am so afraid! Please pray for my faith, as it is very thin right now. There is only so much my doctor can do, God has to stop this…just seems like He’s not going to, and I really don’t understand why Please pray for me.

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