January 17, 2010

Where to begin. I am 27 years old, married to possibly the best man on the planet, and a lover of the Lord! We have two adorable kitties that are more like children. No kiddos yet, but looking forward to having the experience of being parents at some time in our lives. We became first time homeowners last year, and life has been a roller-coaster ride ever since!

I’ve been being attacked by Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis since June of 2009. Since then, I have been in practically a constant relapse that was seeming to consume and slowly end my life. I write this to you while in the hospital for the 6th time since then, it is now January 2010.

My neurologist was getting quite concerned that I was not responding well to conventional treatment, and finally decided to refer me to an MS specialist. Definitely a divine appointment from the Lord! I had 10+ new lesions in my brain, brain stem, and spinal cord in a matter of about 5 months! This was very rare, and the new dr was very concerned as well. She told us, in as nice of a way as possible, “we need to pursue more aggressive treatment, or you are going to die”. WOW! How do you hear that at 27 after 4 years of marriage, and even know how to process it?? I don’t think that anyone would be able to say that they could. I was devastated.

She is such a blessing to us though. It took only ONE comment that she made to me and the amazing progress that I have seen in just one week…and I know that God has brought me here! She looked me square in the eyes as I was trying to battle her with other possibilities and denial about the severity and she said, “If you were my sister, this is what I would want you to do.” What doctor gets that personal and on a “people” level with someone?? She really cared! For the first time in over 10 years of weird health issues, SOMEONE was actually interested in HELPING me! ONLY God could have made that happen! And He knew what I needed to hear in order for me to be open to the very scary things that needed to be done to make me well.

And of course, hind sight is always 20 20, and the longer I am here, the more gracious He is at showing me how my TEMPORARY (b/c it is temporary) suffering is affecting so many positive things for HIM! You never really know how wonderful it feels to be fully assured that your life matters, until you get that feeling from God. Knowing that there are others that get to meet Him and have eternity with him b/c I spent a measly year of my life in the hospital is just overwhelming to me!

So I am beginning my new journey into TRUST and PATIENCE one step at a time. The Lord has seen fit for me to undergo 6 treatments of Plasmapheresis. This is essentially a way of taking out all of my blood, filtering out my inflammatory plasma, and then putting my blood back in without it. I would have to say, this stuff works MIRACLES! (or rather God uses it for them) I feel as if I will be walking again without my walker within a month, instead of 3 like this summer. That is my goal anyway, and I am fastly approaching it with His wonderful Graces!

Scary part number two…In 3 days I will undergo chemotherapy. This is something I will be doing once a month for the next 6 months of my life. My new neuro is very hopeful that this will keep my immune system under control long enough to allow healing to my nervous system, and keep me into a LONGER remission. We of course are shooting for a permanent one

The day keeps sneaking closer, and as my anxiety rises and falls, I keep having to remind myself, that God has saved my life MORE than once, and if He was ready for me to be done here, He sure wouldn’t have been putting so much effort into saving it again. It is so hard to remember things like that when you are in the midst of the storm, and I of all people, would be the first one to tell you, that I fail at it A LOT. But by His graces and endless mercy, He puts up with my whining, fussing, anger, questioning, and doubt…and always pulls me out on the other side…Oh ME of little faith…lol (Matthew 8:26)

I am looking forward to having my life back in order and being able to be a more productive woman again. Not just for me, but for my husband, my father, my family, and especially others with MS that need encouragement that there IS peace that surpasses all understanding! (Philippians 4:7) And there IS hope! (Job 11:18)

So this is the more “current” synopsis about me, and it should give you a good idea of who I am and who I am becoming. This blog was a mere thought in my head for over a year, and God has finally given me a solid direction with it. I am hoping that it will be intensely helpful and encouraging to all who read it, MS affected or not. So make yourself comfy and come join me in my Life on the Rock!